If I could, I would rip my heart out to impress you

i'm so excited! i might get to donate my eggs! ahhh! i can't wait. =)


I LOVE MICHAEL ROBERT LEVASSEUR WITH ALL MY HEART!

i can't go to school unless i take out a loan which i can't afford at all. life sucks

So my assistant manager told me i need to go shopping cause i can't wear sweatpants to work even though i'm pregnant. yeah, if he wants to give me the money i will go shopping. asshole

So I have some good news and bad news:


Good news is always first: Well, i really enjoy being pregnant, not that i want it to happen all the time but it's kind of fun besides the nausea and pain but that is also caused by my cyst which is blood filled by the way. I asked my cousin Kathleen to be the godmother and she said yes which i am very happy about cause i love my cousin and shes one of my best friends. i haven't found out what i'm having yet but thats okay cause i sort of want it to be a surprise after everything that has been going on. work is tough on me but that's nothing new. its hard doing a job where you need to bend down but you really can't. i plan on having the baby when i'm seven months. i'll explain that with the bad news.

Bad news: =( My baby might not live. Sad isn't it well here's why. Apparently some stupid doctor who i now hate doesn't see any kidneys and the baby can't live without kidneys. But here's the thing. How can they see anything when the baby is so scrunched up because they won't remove my cyst unless i get an abortion or deliver early which will just kill the baby. i really fucking hate doctors. So my plan is, my sisters friend went to the same doctor that had told her that there was something in her baby's brain. well, there was nothing in the brain and the baby is fine so my sister got a number from the girl to a different doctor she had gone to. seriously, noone go to Dr. Economy, she is not a good doctor. Anyway, if there is something wrong but the baby can get a transplant then my sisters friend/boyfriend said that he would donate one of his kidneys because he likes me and wants to see me happy. i'm ecstatic about that! i'm going to MY doctor tomorrow morning to see them and have them look at everything since i actually trust them. i just want everything to be okay and i keep telling myself everything is going to be fine and my baby will be perfect.


I really love this baby. I'm getting this cyst out which is blood filled by the way and they will be able to see that my baby is perfect. They said that there was low amniotic fluid but i read online which they never told me btw that because i have a cyst that can be taking away from the baby and the cyst will start to grow. well the cyst has grown, they are saying my baby is not okay and this cyst is being removed whether i have to take it out or not.i will update more as the time comes. oh yeah, i'm 17 weeks and 2 days in baby language that's 4 months =)

i'm not sure if i should make a baby registry or not. i'll update more when i know more.

Honestly, nooone is ever truly going to be here for you. they say they will but you can't count on anyone but yourself. it's all just a LIE. don't believe anyone when they say they will be here for you cause they won't.

Possible birthday places for dinner:
Border Cafe
Rainforest Cafe
Dick's last resort

any other suggestions would be nice too =)

i gave my notice at CVS but i kind of think i may talk to him and say i want one or two days a week in hallmark.

my life sucks balls right now and of course i have noone to talk to cause the person that is supposed to be my "best friend" won't talk to me and i just don't know what to do. i need to get this off my chest. i dont care if i dont have the money or the time or whatever, i want something to keep me happy and to keep me going every day. i need that motivator. i just really need someone to talk to.

seriously, CVS ruins absolutely everything!

 my boyfriend is perfect and he got me flowers just cause. =)